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What Whitney Wrote

You don’t need to love yourself to find love (but you do need this.)

finding love

People say that no one will ever love you unless you love yourself. But I’m calling Bullshit.

There’s a lot of pressure on women to be perfect, especially when you are single.

The ‘Rules’

  • Don’t play games, but definitely don’t call first.
  • Do not sleep with him on the first date, but also – here’s 5 women who met their husbands on a one night stand!
  • Never try to hard or you will seem desperate … but also, feel empowered to make the first move!
  • Here are 7 tips for finding love… and 20 that contradict them!

However, the advice that has always bothered me is this:

“You have to love yourself before anyone else will love you.”

Self love

So many women struggle with feelings of low self worth, depression, anxiety, the feeling that everyone is ahead of them in life…. This ‘rule’ bothers me because it’s one more thing for women to feel bad about.

Even just that feeling you get when you scroll through instagram and not one person’s hips do that thing that your hips do when you try to wear nice jeans (grr what is with that?) anyway I digress… the point is, it’s challenging for us to wholeheartedly say – yes, I love myself.

Why isn’t loving yourself all it’s cracked up to be?

Don’t get me wrong, loving yourself and working everyday to be kind and respectful of your own values is important. But there will be times when we do not love ourselves. It’s inevitable. Does that mean we’re not worthy of love in those moments? I think not.

Self love… How do I get there?

The idea you need to love yourself first is preached like gospel; Once you reach the mecca of loving yourself you will be there! Everything will come to you! Love, Money, Happiness etc!

You have to enjoy the ride…

self esteem

The truth is, loving yourself is not a destination – it’s a lifelong journey.

You’ll always be working at it. Some days you’ll be filled with self love and feel content with your life. Other days you’ll want to tip a table because things keep going wrong and omg, why can’t I just find jeans that don’t sit like that on my hips?!

I believe that we do not need to love ourselves completely and at all times in order to find a loving relationship – because that is impossible.

We do need to respect ourselves – and our actions need to show that.

resilient resilience self respect

The good news is this a hell of a lot easier! It’s much easier to say no to something that doesn’t align with your values than to wake up every morning brimming with self-love and joy.

When I met my boyfriend (now husband) I absolutely did not love myself. But I did respect myself. I believe that is an important distinction and the reason why our relationship was able to progress. Below I share with you my tips.

5 ways you can work on loving yourself today.

  • Start a journaling practice (Not sure how? Take my quiz here).
  • Give your body what it’s asking for. Whether that be rest, exercise, fresh air or nourishing food.
  • Take some non essential tasks off your to-do list or schedule.
  • Ask a trusted friend to tell you what they love most about you.
  • Make a list of 100 things (big or small) that you love about yourself.

I still don’t love myself everyday (although I try) but I do respect myself and honour those values.

So tell me in the comments below…. What’s one of your goals and how do you respect its importance in your life?

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